Quotes from the weekend

...taken out of context, of course.

This weekend, the lovely jennyp5309 and I went to San Antonio for the commitment ceremony of jessica1978 and the fantastic Jen. I say commitment only because they can't legally get married in this bass-ackward state of ours, but truth be told, it was a wedding, and a lovely one at that. The minister was a good friend of Jessica's from years back, and much of the language used was right out of the Lutheran service Jenny & I used. So congratulations, Jess & Jen! May you always live as newlyweds!

So here are some random quotes from the weekend, all of which are taken out of context. Because that's the way God intended, yo.

Jenny: "I don't eat things that scuttle."
Jenny: "'Horny Toad Harley-Davidson?' In this town? I'm surprised they allowed that, with the conservative college here and all."
James: "Mary Hardin-Baylor, right? What's their mascot?"
Jenny: "I don't remember, but they should be called the 'Celibate Salamanders.'"

James: (at the hair stylist w/ Jess) "Look! You can get hair extensions... they're endorsed by [celebrity]!"
Jess: "I think that's actually her hair."
Jenny: "It looks so authentic. Of course, if you wore it, you couldn't pass a drug test to get a job." 

"This is one of my favorite jokes. It's really, really clean. Well, it IS a little racist..."
"Now let me tell MY favorite joke. It's clean, too. Wait, you're not Catholic, are you?"
a: "That one girl could dance."
b: "Which one?"
a: "The one in the vest."
b: "Oh, the vestbian. Yes, she was tearin' it up!"
a: "Her sister said that in Sweden, the men are hung like donkeys."
b: "Is that better or worse than being hung like a horse?"
c: "Proportionally, isn't the field mouse the most endowed?"
b: "Perhaps, but 'hung like a field mouse' doesn't have the same cachet."

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Seven years!

 The lovely jennyp5309  and I have been together seven years today, and the only thing that itches is my beard.

Oh, how it itches!

Yes, in the week leading up to this date in 2002, I was calling every single woman I had the number for to see if she would go to the opera. Good friend MusicalAsh and I had bought tickets together for Porgy & Bess, and she had to back out so she could take on some paying percussion gig. Yes, I called every single woman I could find the number for. And some I couldn't. Until I called a church friend who just may have had Jenny's number... Jenny who I had talked to a couple of times on Sunday mornings and didn't know much about.

The show was a Sunday matinee, which meant we left straight from church. And did I mention the show was in Fort Worth? Yes, a potentially long, awkward drive with someone I honestly didn't think I would be dating. Luckily, she came prepared with all sorts of "getting to know you" questions. Favorite movies. Favorite songs. Colors. Stuff like that. 

After the show, we had dinner at a restaurant within walking distance of the Bass Performance Hall. The waiter got her order slightly wrong, which led to the comment that effectively "sealed the deal." Touching that third rail of the first date, that topic that no one should dare bring up, she said, and I quote:

"I blame the Republican administration. Those bastards."

So here's to you, my dear bride, on the seventh anniversary of our first date! May our conversations continue to be peppered with political diatribes!
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Quote of the day

From a Q&A I'm editing:

WHY DID YOU ENLIST IN THE ARMY INSTEAD OF THE AIR FORCE? I always enjoyed walking in the countryside, which is what we did a lot of in Vietnam. After a few months, I realize that walking in that particular countryside was a really bad idea.


Making things overly complicated

Many of you know that I've been helping out at Julie's prechool while I look for a new job. Yesterday, the director asked me to take some signs to the nearby teacher's store and have them laminated.

These are several 8.5x11 signs we'll post in the nursery. The store laminated them in one giant plastic sheet-- probably how they're always done, but remember that I'm new at this.

So back at the school this morning, I decide I'll cut apart the signs. But I'm stuck, so I ask Miss Olga, the nursery room lead, for advice. :

"Miss Olga, I want to cut apart these signs, but your paper cutter isn't big enough, and I can't find an Exacto knife. What do you suggest?"

(with an odd look on her face, she replies) "Have you tried scissors?"

Clearly, I'm not, ahem, cut out to be a teacher.


Adventures in fiscal conservatism

We sometimes get letters from the Texas Republican Party, addressed to one of the former owners of our house. We usually just toss them in the trash. Yesterday, though, I felt like a little light reading, so I opened it up.

It was a fundraising appeal from the party's state chairman. "Because you've been a first-class supporter in the past, I'm enclosing an envelope with a first-class stamp. We can't really afford the 42 cents, but we're hoping that you'll send us a generous donation." He went on to say how they need to counter Barack Obama's "lies," etc., but again mentioned how the 42 cents was an expense they didn't want to spend.

So I took a look at the envelope:

Look at that all-important, expensive stamp:

Yes, the text underneath it reads, "No postage necessary."